Queen Alice

"Well this IS grand!" said Alice. "I never expected I should be a Queen so soon-and I'll tell you what is, your Majesty," she went on in a severe tone, "it'll never do for you to be lolling about on the grass like that! Queens have to be dignified you know."
So she got up and walked about-rather stiffly just at first, as she was afraid that the crown might come off: but she comforted herself with the thought that there was nobody to see her, "and if I really am a Queen" she said as she sat down again, "I shall be able to manage it quite well in time."

I knew it had been a while since I entered the garden but I didn't think it had been this long. I remember wanting to write but then feeling overwhelmed by things to catch you all up with. I figured when I was ready the urge would make itself present, like it does with everything in life. You know public speaking isn't scary if you WANT to get your message across. I don't blog everyday. I blog when I feel like it. Sometimes that takes a while. I am fully prepared to defend myself against assuming minds, not that I should have to.

The only stupid question is the one that isn't asked. The person who came up with that created the stupid question by asking too many stupid questions and is now scarred, left defending himself with that stupid statement...and possible a ball of cat hair for fun. or perhaps rolling things is a compulsion. we all have our vices. mine change alot. i stopped keeping track. i stopped feeling bad. i accept this shel silverstien runny babbit backwards way of life. More of us should be about putting on this drooly scary face and remembering to stretch before funny walking around in monty python prose (especially if its from your bedroom to the coffee maker first thing in the morning), tying flowers to our heads to make ourselves attractive when thats really not what its all about...and when we've rounded out from enough flipping and flopping, oh we'll roll. we're missing compliments not peices. half the fun is finding those things that are hidden for us. i like that we have to work for it.takes a special person to sacrifice ego for everyday life. for someone who doesnt mean anything to you vs. someone who does. you think the giving tree had fun saying no no boy, please..cut me. saw me down in all my apple giving greatness to make a stump for your 109 year old carcASS to sit on? talk about in with the love. uuuh..we have a question in the front row? its a good example of stupid if you ask me. attempt to rationalize with newton the effects of gravity on the apple of your eye and where exactly the term originated from, sit on the ground and be happy that tree is keeping the last of our atmosphere breathable.Right now i'm working hard to relax. it sounds ridiculous but its true. normally i'd be wasting so much energy really freaking out about the future. I know it will work out. I know i'm using resources that are out here. with amazing support from my friends, this time has been productive and really positive. Spending time in different places is something I've really enjoyed. I've learned, you see. I have the luxury of having my family here, a chance to do things right and not rush anything. I have reality check points that make my head say 'don't worry caca, you'll be working and then you'll wish you'd done this differently.' suddenly the summer will be over and fall will offer the smell of pencil shavings, worms and acrylic paint.

While Alice moves herself under skies, my nomadic self will keep adjusting and packing her bag. Once upon a time i could cram ten days of stuff (and i do mean stuff) into one backpack. I've graduated to oversized diaper bags. no zippers. It's not only the boy I enjoy spending time with up north, its a new place with different people to draw from. I have time now that I won't have later to gain an understanding-and I realize not everything needs to be understood. Things will change and as they do, who knows where I'll be and who will be there? Letting go is becoming easier. It still has its powerful shifty side effects, but thats part of the unbreakable beauty.
I'll tell datura to mind her garden. Thanks for being here you guys.