F : U

christmas shopping car insurance business cards a mean occurance destination overdrive a salted rim now look alive its lucky love inherited and bumble kids to terrorize of course i mean no disrespect if you object with retro eyes. its a free country. so far.

now, to calm me...

a passenger lost in a starbucks drive-thru, i'm dreaming. greg says don't worry i'll get us through the line. and he does. if there's one thing he knows in my head its driving. i was annoyed. annoyed at the line, annoyed at the useless confusion of this congested roadway. why don't we just go in? its not that important lets just go.
end.
i'm walking like i was the other day. past the bridge on king at atlantic and i go up to the mysterious townhouses that are on the north side of the street. for some reason that road opens a staircase, walking it takes me to a new realm, time moves faster in the empty country air. its all so beautiful and now its night. open fields, i'm walking down a wide road with a line of big trees on one side and rows of corn on the other. the moon is massive and yellow and not full. imagine mario 3, warp whistling to world 4. the moon ridiculously playfully oversized and felt just as ridiculously playfully creepy in this empty place. it was fun before i got tired of walking. my car came out of nowhere and started driving ourselves way too fast down this road. i might as well have been tucked in the trunk. it kept taking me onto dirt service roads that led into stables and little cul de sacs with white picket fences. i remember the deeper i went here the scarier it got. i wanted to go home and then the car popped like a bubble and was no more. i was stranded and time was moving way to fast. i had to get back, i figured i had at least a four hour walk ahead of me and no one was to be seen to ask for help. so i started walking. the road was unclear and instead of flat terrain it was now forrested and muddy. trees were gnarled and the moon is mean. it wants me to be lost. but its lighting my way. saying learn bitch. be scared. i'm here but i'm not helping.
illuminate.
i'm finally about to give up. i'm supposed to meet someone back in realtime and i'm thinking its just better to hide myself into the side of this muddy hill for the night than keep walking. just as i'm lost and contemplating something i would never normally do i hear a drip. then i feel one. in every movie they always look up and sure enough there's a hanging body in the tree above me and its slaughtered fresh.
i pulled my phone out to call greg and woke up.
i left him in bed and came here.
its just a dream.

i'd take the dog for a walk but its raining again. and i'd have to wake her up.I'm thinking its time to read a whole new series of toltec four agreements.or make some movies. maybe a young johnny depp will guest star in the first one if i promise not to fall asleep. or mention that happiness is hearding sheep.

feeling like a failure f*ckup must be universal this week. BUT let me tell you this. I had the best day i've had in a long time yesterday. after some morning joga and hugging Min off to work, i backtracked and parked my car at one of its usual homes dowtown toronto. i hit up the bank for some coffee cash and ran into Z. he's stillworking in graphics and his wife is scheduled to have baby #2 by C section on thursday. I walked him to the office on Atlantic and snuck into the building to say hi to Mike Sweet. Mikey and his wife have adopted their first baby. Yuna is 9 months old and in good hands! After gooing and gaaaaaing i set out through automatically locked doors to say hi to paula the receptionist and asked her about her little guy too. she said have a great day and i left. sunshine was there and i set out under the pigeon poo brigde towards queen west. i hadn't hit shaw when i ran into Quan...clearly running late with a latte..which is weird for him on both accounts. I forgot that queen st. doesn't start up anytime before noon. which for some reason was still nice. i like the city when its quiet and active at the same time. i walked to spadina slowly because Taro was closed for breakfast! I killed time with my wired magazine until 12 and met jasmin for lunch at cossette. she treated me to delicious carrot ginger soup and sandwiches at a busy artsy/intelligent cafe where people with "smart forheads" feast their eyes on walls of gourmet ingredients and dark chocolate. walking her back to work i ran into a friend i hadn't seen in four years. Markus and Rita live in oakville, are both working in computer arts and have just had their first child. I stopped to pee.
Moving along i travelled back up to queen and started the trek back. hit the stores i wanted to hit, volunteered to silkscreen with the playdead cult over the holidays, ran into Neil, another artist. looked for a baby shower gift for a girl at work, called out brianhowe for coffee and talked about the 5 year plan he finished for himself last night. walked back onto Liberty. called Leann, "my friend who looks like me" who wanted me to stay downtown to hang out and gave me the keys to her appartment. BTW i had the BEST coffee catch up time with CHRiS ALLeN who will never hate me as much as he thinks he does.
By this time i've been walking for 7 hours around the immediate downtown core, running into people i haven't seen in forever. i was chilled and pretty thirsty. I took her keys and headed back to my car only to run into two more people from the old office who, of course, say why don't you come in and say hi? So i killed the next hour catching up in the old/new office. it has runways now, and cubicle pods. managed to get myself invited to the staff christmas party and made it back to leanns place on just as she pulled up with her bike.
now i'm really tired. and hungry.we caught up for a while and instead of heading home she talked me into going for dinner. work has been relentless as far as follow up and flounders goes. i've tried everything from costume to cake making in attempts to let it go but the truth is always there. its a matter of turning the table and shaking IT up for a change. switch up routines and keep moving. anyway, we had incredible vegan appetizers at an unfortunately nameless place in my head right now, but the atmosphere was perfect. i knew every freaking song on the indie tit playlist (thanks RYaN...) and we had two pots of looseleaf whole grain green tea with brown rice. we saddled up, she have me a hug, borrowed a cd and when i got home i found this picture in my inbox. i've been feeling defiant. sick of this settling feeling of a looming future and low frequency stimulation. frustrated and friendly do not go hand in hand, or up this seething social/economical ladder. the planets are rising, the rungs have rattle tails and i've gone renegade.

For Hair Loveliness

Foggy all the way home, it's been a pretty cold, damp, misty day.
I just used the best conditioner ever from a visual standpoint. Herbal essences has a new line out in pretty periwinkle plastic packaging. The conditioner itself shares the same hue. It smells incredible in its opaque goodness but feels like you're about to smear bleach all through your hair without gloves, the kind of thick peroxide only a professional should stripe their beard hair with.
Coco-Mango and Pearls.
Pearls. Reminds me that we all have some shade of cocktail dress in vegas and that its imperative and perfectly acceptable to accept that we learn from previous actions and our reactions. It makes our more flowy choices feel rooted and true. i try to hold on to the fact that smart and unsmart work in even cycles and keep an equal pace on both. smrt.

I got handed a stack of new designer applications at work today which means I just got a raise if I can manage to establish a rapport and keep communications going. I have faith. which is how i'm planning on pulling a reiki master degree out of my ass in the new year. The network is there, i just have to reach for it. like any project, starting is the hardest part. actually in this case it feels like completing it has been, but then what is complete really. there's always room for interpretation,
and i'd rather not start that now, i'll analyze it forever.
I picked up the new W I R E D magazine. I'm gonna go read about the new Atheism. No heaven. No hell. Just science...and pin curls. We'll see how the world is with all of this loveliness tomorrow.

Lily whites and muppet teeth.

its 8am i slept in. i have to leave for work in half an hour, pack thing for random goings on tonight and decide what to wear work tomorrow. my eyes are still half closed, my mouth is dry and i woke up from another dream that has me totally freaked out.
i was with my mother and of course as if i don't think about it enough, she was dying. only i could n't tell if she was faking it. she kept telling me through tubes in her face to kill her. she spelled it out for me. i thought and thought, i was the only one in this bright sunshiney room, then she said, i just don't want to go to work.
i thought is this a joke? you want me to go lights out because you don't want to go to work? but then, she gets up and pops chemo that comes in convenient foil form like any old birth control, gets dressed and goes to the hospital to don her compassionate nurse face. i'm filled with confusion and rage, what if i pushed that button you asshole. put me through that for nothing? get up. she worked through her sickness in oahu.flip to a scene where i'm with friends in an old appartment, (actually the same appartment i was in when they were in hawaii). i'm sitting in an orange chair and all of a sudden those chemo tablets are in my hands, and i just start taking them, one after the other not one a week or one a day, just pop. pop. pop...
kel whatare you doing?? they get slammed out of my hands and mashed out of my mouth like a dog who's in the process of swallowing poison. big warm now drooly hands trying to tell empty eyes what was wrong with this. the reasoning in my mind was hey, i'm just being preventative here, or hmm..maybe this will bring me closer.
end with a scene that has a fozzy bear look alike with floppy teeth singing that song that goes "hello.....is it mee you're looking for...". he's in the back of a station wagon looking out, the trunk is flipped up, but just the glass, not the whole door. he's got a massive white lily in his hands and he's sad. he's nobly singing his tribute to a loved one, then i see another muppet, this one a panda chowing down on puppet bamboo..they're all singing the same song, it continued with the screen change...i woke up and came here.
the lights are off, my dad just woke up, dax chewed my foot and jumped on me. i'm covered in icky icky dream residue. i just shoved her off. get away from me. everybody.
i have 20 minutes to get out the door.
there must be a solution.
...

TiCKETS TO RiDE

The star on the top of my christmas list.













A must see for every blood bubble gum drop pop surrealist.
This treasure void of violence was released in six different jackets, the time shifting camel in the night is my immediate favourite.
Adjacent poems are printed carnivale!



Others on the list include If I were a Lion, the classic canadian Alligator Pie and some Baseic eye candy.

batgirl smash

...don't think i didn't dress up to hand out candy to wobbling two foot tall fat little chickens, chewbaccas, pirates and pink unicorns. a pale painted mr.greg lit the pumpkins and we crouched on the porch with mars bars and the black cat from next door.

Tricia's Wedding

...October 14 and FAACK was it cold outside to be standing in a receiving line and taking pictures. The maid of honour got stood up and the ring bearer got trashed and abandoned in Kleinburg, but for all the stressing and shoe matching, dress altering, planning, damage controlling and bacheloretting...the wedding was beautiful, we were all in good company and had fun. I feel like i'm tired and writing a book report due tomorrow morning first thing.

a lantern love fest

...all the night light pictures are blurry so the sunset shots will have to do. Min_o's mom treated us to the chinese lantern festival at ontario place when it was still warm enough for summer shoes but cool enough to need a scarf.

MiN_Oh!

...i just liked these ones.